Couples Counseling

Couples Counseling in Aurora and Oswego IL

Our most intimate relationships can at times be our greatest source of happiness, and at other times bring us almost unbearable heart ache and pain. Most couples walk into our office seeking couples counseling with at least one common story that goes something like this: “When we first met, we were so in love and so very happy. But now all we do is fight, or not talk at all. Its like we are roommates, instead of life long partners and lovers. We love each other, but we are just not ‘in love’ any more”.

We’re married. We understand. It can be very challenging to keep a committed long-term relationship healthy, alive and vibrant. But how do you do this? Well, there is no simple formula. But here at Waterford we believe that it is possible to get back on track in finding the love and intimacy that you are seeking in your relationships through couples counseling. We take a three step approach to help you do just that.

First, in couples counseling we help you address the immediate issues that are creating distress in your relationship. Just like when you walk into an ER, we want to help stop the bleeding and reduce the pain. We want to immediately administer medicine that will begin the healing process. This means finding ways to stop the negative behaviors that are hurting your relationship, and begin to explore ways to relate to each other that are more conducive for healing, safety and re-connection.

Secondly, in couples counseling we teach you and your partner relationship skills and coach you on how to use them appropriately in your relationship. Most of us have been ill-equipped with good relationship skills. After all, where do we learn these vital skills? Who teaches us? If we were lucky we had loving parents that modeled these skills for us. But for most of us, no one ever taught us how to communicate, negotiate, have a fair fight, actively listen, convey empathy, honor our partner and all of the other essential skills that are necessary to build and maintain a strong healthy relationship. These are the skills that we will help you develop as you reconnect with each other.

Thirdly, in couples counseling we go deeper and address what I call the “bruises on the broken bone” phenomenon. These are old wounds from past events or previous relationships that have never healed and continue to get re-activated in our current relationship. You may know these situations as times when you think your partner is “overreacting” or seems to have an exaggerated response to something that is happening in the relationship. Slight bruises re-injure broken bones and create enormous pain in the relationship. This is often very confusing for couples. We believe it is important to help you not only identify what your broken bones are, but develop a clear strategy for how you and your partner can work together to heal these wounds.