In couples therapy, both you and your partner will be given a safe place to begin to understand the affair, heal and recover. You will be guided through a structured process to release difficult emotions, recognize what has happened and take an honest look at your relationship. You can both begin to see that it takes two people to create and maintain a successful marriage and that, even if one or both of you feel broken by the affair right now, with a commitment to honesty and change, relationships can be repaired and even strengthened following an affair.

In affair recovery therapy, you and your partner can examine what commitments mean for your marriage, take steps to rebuild trust, and actively protect your relationship. While working through difficult emotions, you can get to know each other again and build a stronger bond. As you work on forgiveness, you can develop more compassion for each other, become more sensitive to each other’s needs, and grieve what was lost in the relationship together. Rather than continuing to live in a place of unexpressed anger, guilt or hurt, you can learn to understand each other’s experiences and collectively rebuild your relationship. With help, it is possible to come to a place where you can both experience more intimacy, confidence and a shared vision for the future.

Therapy is an investment in yourself, your partner and your family. If you have children, you know that you and your partner are the leaders of your family, and whatever is transpiring in your relationship – be it good, bad or ugly – impacts everyone in your home. Outside of the home, your productivity at work and your engagement with friends and other family members may be negatively affected by the stress of the affair and your strained relationship. Affair-recovery counseling may help you repair your relationship and avoid a costly divorce and/or the individual counseling you and/or your partner may need if you cannot find a healthy way to move past the affair.

It is unlikely that therapy will make matters worse. Research and statistics on infidelity indicates that receiving professional counseling after the discovery of an affair is the single best predictor of recovery. What therapy will do is make you and your partner more aware of what is occurring within your relationship. This awareness can sometimes be painful, but honestly sifting and sorting through issues is necessary for healing to occur. Until you understand what kinds of things contributed to the affair and how it has affected your relationship, how can you go about repairing it?

Your couples counselor will provide you and your partner with the safety and support needed to work through painful experiences. Your counselor can help you create boundaries and agreements for addressing the affair, while also helping build accountability and mutual trust. Your relationship can become healthier each time you and your partner avoid reacting with hostility and blame, and instead openly share your feelings and needs.

As you and your partner acquire tools to resolve conflicts and better understand each other’s needs, feelings and physical cues, you will be able to recreate the safe conditions of therapy for yourselves, in your home. In time, you will develop confidence that you have become experts on each other and on healing your relationship.

A good couples therapist will not take sides – and will always stay focused on what is best for the relationship. The goal of affair-recovery therapy at Waterford Counseling and Psychological Services is to get you, your partner and your relationship all on the same side. It is not your therapist’s job to judge or place blame, but, rather, to work as a team builder, helping you build intimacy, honesty, trust and growth. With over 25 years of experience in couples counseling, we’ve learned that relationships are never black and white and that there are many factors that lead to infidelity. We can help you pinpoint your relationship’s vulnerabilities, learn from and correct mistakes, and build a strong foundation that you can draw from long after our therapeutic work is complete. If you have more questions, please feel to call us at 630-898-5322.